My Little Panda

Well… You know what greeting it is. I can’t do it myself. Also, I don’t know when is the exact date. I can only guess. But I supposed it should be somewhere around this date.

It’s always exciting to celebrate the day someone we care about came into this world, isn’t it? It’s good that you spend some good time with people you cherish. Actually, I almost forgot. It only came to my mind this morning. I didn’t even realize it at first.

I was thinking to myself, why did you take the day off. I was kinda worried. Cause you took quite some days off lately. I was worried that something wasn’t going well. Cause it doesn’t seem like you. To take a day off from time to time. Well… at least not the you that I once knew.

So… yeah… I was kinda worried when it happened. Especially since I can’t ask you. But… I supposed I was just over worrying. You really doing well, aren’t you? Maybe you were just relaxing and enjoying life a bit more than you usually do.

It’s good that you spare some time to enjoy some good time and do things you love with the people you cherish. You used to be very dedicated to your job. Well, I’m sure you’re also as dedicated now. But back then, the only couple of times you would take some days off were the lunar new year and your birthday. Other than those two events, you were always busy behind your desk every workday.

There’s nothing wrong with it, of course. I’m sure you saved all your leave days so you could take an extended vacation on those two events. So as long as you enjoy it, feel free to arrange your day leave any way you like it.

But do you remember, there was a time when you told me that I seemed to be really enjoying my life? But as you said it, you didn’t seem like you enjoyed your life just as much. It was that night on the elevator when we were about to go down to the lobby.

One of my friends was about to leave the company. So along with some friends, we went to the karaoke. It was Friday, and I wouldn’t see you the next day. We finish around half to nine. And I decided to drop by the office before returning home, wishing I could be around you a bit more before not seeing you for a couple of days.

I went to the office, using the “I forgot to unplug my USB” as an excuse. It was already past nine when I arrived. There was barely any car left in the parking lot. And I didn’t see a single person as I went upstairs. I wondered if you had gone back home but wished you were still there. Decided to go upstairs to my desk, though I had already found my USB in the pocket of my sling bag.

As the elevator opened, security greeted me and asked what I was doing there, going back there at that time. Told him I got to grab something. Noticed you were just about to go back home. So I decided not to turn my computer on and returned to the front.

The elevator was opened while you were still in the restroom. I chatted with security a bit so I could hold the elevator door open. You came out from the restroom not long after. Told me to hold the door open until you entered, wasn’t aware that I intentionally held it open just for you.

You asked me didn’t I already left the office since evening. I said I went to karaoke and went back to the office to grab something. And you said it. You said my life seemed so nice. And I remember thinking to myself, why you seemed so unhappy when you said that?

I knew you must be tired. Working until that hour. No one was there with you. All your teammates were already going home. But it wasn’t the only time you got to stay past nine. And you’re tough and independent. Doing things on your own didn’t seem like something that would bother you much.

So I was wondering if you needed some refreshing and wanted to do something fun too. And I wanted to ask if you wanted to go to karaoke too. Or if you wanted to go anywhere. But then I remember when your boss and other teammates went to karaoke, you didn’t even join them. I asked one of them how could they leave you to do the work. And she said it was your decision. So that made me think that maybe you’re not into those things.

So, though I wanted to ask, I held myself back from popping the question. Yeah, well.. other than that, I was also worried. Because of the dynamic between us. Because of how whenever I tried to move closer to you, you would take steps back. So I often thought, if you wanted to maintain the distance between us, I should respect it and not try to do anything about it. Cause if I take one step forward, you would take many steps backwards. And the distance between us would just grow.

And I guess, I was a bit stunned. I came back to the office just to see you. I was excited about it. And… you didn’t seem to feel the same when you saw me. And I was wondering to myself, why was I even there? Cause… well… I guess I was kinda hoping you would like it to find me there. But I guess it was just another moment where reality hit me like a truck.

But I guess I was kinda used to it. And I was trying to find another way to get closer to you without making you want to take steps back. So I asked you, how would you go back home? Usually, we would get a taxi voucher. And I was pretty sure you had already ordered one before going down.

So I thought to myself if I could ask you to drive you back home. If you would consider but were worried about the driver that already waited in the lobby, I could just give him a tip. But you said you’d be going home with the company’s car. And, I just… couldn’t ask you. I thought you’d be more comfortable there. So I just walked you to the lobby, opened the door for you, and watched the car take off. Even just that is a moment to treasure.

Anyway, apart from that, it’s great that you spend more time enjoying your life, doing things you like with people you care about. I supposed it’s because of the pandemic, isn’t it? You’re unable to travel on your special day, so you take the days off for other occasions. Or maybe it’s because your job now doesn’t require as much attention as your job back then, and it’s easier to find the opportunity to take some time away from your routine. Or maybe you have other reasons. But whatever the reason is, I hope it’s something that brings more joy to your life.

So… well.. I’m not really good with words. Also, does she really needs some greetings and wishes on her special day when she already has you in her life? Doesn’t she already get all that she needs? Having a sister like you, must feel fabulous for her. Aaaahhh… see.. you do it again! stealing the spotlight from her. Oh, come on… You can’t always be the one who got all the attention. But I suppose it must be that hard for you. To shine a bit lesser. How’s that even possible?

Anyway… some greetings… uummhh… well.. I wish she could accomplish everything that she hopes for in life, always be in the company of people she cherishes, and be able to always be her truest self at any moment. And if ever she has to go through difficult times that make it hard for her to be her best self, I hope you and everyone she cares about will always be there for her to support her and help her be the best version of herself again. And, uh… well… I know it’s her birthday. But I wish the same for you and everyone you care about.

So! There are still a couple of days before Monday comes. Plenty of times to have some really good time. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Happy celebration! Remember to stay safe, happy, and healthy. Men sana in corpore sano ,my dear.