Reminiscence
This morning when I woke up, I woke from the soundest sleep I’ve had in the past couple of months. The best dream I’ve ever had in my entire life. As you must have guessed, it’s a dream about you. It’s a dream about us.
I’ve had other dreams about you. I wrote about them here. But the dream last night… It’s… different. it’s far better than any other dream. It’s different from other dreams I’ve had about it.
It was so sweet. And it felt kinda real. It felt kinda like the summary of our journey. Where both you and I were trying our best to make something happen. Despite all the things that came our way and made things difficult.
There were times I was worried about you. About how you were doing and how you would deal with things when it wasn’t going well. That maybe you would turn back. That maybe you would give up and decide that it’s not worth the effort. And if that happens, it’s okay. I can understand. I don’t want you to have to go through difficult things. But you just keep going.
And we were so close. So, so close. I just needed to take a few steps downstairs to see you. But why? Why did I have to wake up at such a very crucial moment?
Oh, why did it happen? We went through a lot just for that. I tried to continue to close my eyes for hours. Hoping to get back to sleep. So that I could have that very sweet moment. So that I could see you.
But no matter how long I was laying down, putting my arm on my eyes to make it dark, trying to relax my mind, body, and soul so I could go back to sleep. To the dream where I could see you stand before me… It just didn’t happen.
So I just closed my eyes and revisit every scene that I saw in my dreams before. Trying to make it as vivid as possible. So it would be engraved in my mind.
But why is it that the happy moment didn’t want to be visited?
There’s this scene from a movie where the conversation goes like this:
M : Tell me a story.
N : Story? What kind of story?
M : One with a happy ending.
N : No such thing as a happy ending. All endings are sad. Especially if the story is happy.
M : Then tell me a story but end it in the middle.
It’s from the movie Reminiscence. The main character falls in love with someone who suddenly disappears after some time. After going on a long journey, he found out that it’s not possible anymore to have happy moments with the one he loves. In the end, he decided to live in it. The reminiscence. The happy memory he once had with the person he love. Though it’s not real anymore.
Is it true? That there’s no such thing as a happy ending? Maybe you don’t disappear. But you’re there but you’re not there. And I know I should accept it. That I should respect and support any decision you made. Cause I know you’d be happier. And I’m happy for you.
It’s just… I wish I could be happy for me too. Should I get myself into the tank too? And live in the happy memories we once had.